


Sober Up

by Wilde_world



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Aiming for emotional fluff, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Ben means well he's just a lil' agoraphobic lobster, Drug Use/Addiction, Everyone Needs A Hug, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-17
Updated: 2018-08-17
Packaged: 2019-06-28 20:06:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15714171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wilde_world/pseuds/Wilde_world
Summary: Rey is sober, and Kylo is happy for her...right? When two exes come together, Kylo just might need to make some changes.





	Sober Up

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Eveningeyes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eveningeyes/gifts).



> Hello all! Thank you so much for coming to my first fic <3 I hope you enjoy!
> 
> "The Good Part," "No Grass today," "Sober Up," and "Come Hang Out," by AJR's album "The Click" inspired me so much during this writing process! And Hozier's "Take me to Church" of course! ;D If you have an Album or song that you like, share it with me!! I love discovering new music to write to!

On a Tuesday.

Leia had bid Han a tearful and reluctant goodbye, his heartbeat on the hospital monitor sounding like a harsh drum in her ears. Han had left in his Falcon on a Tuesday, set on skipping town to visit Lando, but he was unable to return. On a Tuesday, Rey had overdosed, and in his drunken flurry, Kylo rushed her to the hospital, uncaring about the possible repercussions of his actions. He held her hand the entire way and focused his attention to the fallen angel beside him rather than the road ahead. Han died on a Tuesday, and Kylo awoke on a Thursday, his head pounding and a deep gash marring the right side of his face. A nurse came in and handed him a letter, watching momentarily as he ripped the left side of the envelope and fished out the note inside before catching his glare and stepping out. Rey was fine, it said, but she needed some time to figure things out and she didn’t want him to wait. A broken scream ripped from his lungs and he flung a plastic chair across the room before a set of nurses rushed in, and Leia, with tears streaming down her face, listened from the next room over as her son was torn apart.

Wednesday, day -30

Rey was out of rehab, his mother told him. She had written Leia, thanking her for all the help and financial support, and describing her progress as of late. She had gotten a job at Poe and Finn’s knitting shop. She was doing well. He uttered a simple, ‘That’s great, Mom,’ and hung up. He didn’t need his mother’s “subtle” digs over his drinking, it wasn’t an issue. He was proud of Rey, though. He had watched her struggle with drug addiction over the years, and knowing she was happy and healthy made him happy, didn’t it? He wasn’t supposed to have this black mass of bitterness chewing at his subconscious. Instead of trudging through his thoughts, he poured himself a drink, and allowed himself to forget.

Thursday, day -22

Kylo had taken her out for ice cream, and they had a nice time, or so he thought. She had contacted his office at Leia’s request and asked for a recommendation letter for the most beautiful apartment she had ever seen. Seeing as he had always been wrapped around her finger, Kylo wrote the most heartfelt (and professional) letter he could manage, and asked her to some celebratory dessert (they both knew she would get the apartment, so what was the issue). Together, they ignored the skeptical looks from Snoke’s cronies, too wrapped up in their shared memories of late-night ice cream runs and stolen kisses. Sure, he had taken a few shots to calm his nerves beforehand, but she didn’t seem to notice until he had abruptly turned toward her at the end of the night, and asked her on a date (a _real_ date). She had tilted her head, a regretful smile on her lips, and told him that she couldn’t be in a relationship with him. Not again. She had spent long enough recovering from her addiction, and she couldn’t place herself in a position where she might relapse. He was hurt, angry, even, but he nodded in understanding and left her in front of Finn and Poe’s house before his tongue got the better of him. He took an uber to the nearest bar, and blacked out from drinking. He awoke with only the vague memory of her rejection.  

Friday. Saturday, day 1.

He had gone out with Hux and Phasma again, the unspoken intention of getting trashed hanging over their heads like a heavy cloud of gas. Somewhere between his eighth (tenth?) shot, he had tipped his glass down, payed his tab, and left. In his drunken state, he managed to order an uber and type in an address. When he woke up, he was back in New Jersey, half of his frame hanging awkwardly off of his childhood bed. Leia drove him to Rey’s old rehab in his father’s vintage Falcon, and together they signed the necessary forms. She had called in his resignation at Snoke enterprises, and he tiredly nodded through his old employer’s opinions on his “childish avoidance of real life” over the phone, though Snoke couldn’t see him. In the end, he had told him to fuck off and hung up the phone.

Wednesday, day 68.

 As they suspected, acute withdrawal had taken its toll right away; he’d been careful about his alcohol consumption, sure, but the tremors and nausea came only after a couple days. The second stage (they called it “early abstinence” but he just called it the second layer of hell) lasted longer, but with the supplements they had bombarded him with all day made it manageable. After two months, they were finally letting him out, having deemed him “emotionally and physically” ready to face the rest of the world. Leia picked him up, and together they celebrated his 68th day sober.

Sunday, 128 days and day 1 sober.

He took a swig from the glass Hux handed him, savoring that familiar burn as it slid down his throat. His phone chimed.

‘Where are you?’ Sent from his AA sponsor.

He glanced at the message, a small streak of guilt running through him as he imbibed another mouthful. The amber liquid that slithered down his throat, once enabling him to darken his sight and slip into a comforting buzz, now tasted like a sharp poison, thick and black.

That night, he checked himself in, and when he awoke, it was to the stale, clean scent clinging to every surface in the rehab center. 

Tuesday, day 30.

He’d set himself back, he knew. At just a little over 4 months, he had allowed Hux and Phasma into his tiny studio, going so far as to usher them in himself before the crisp New York air interfered with his shotty heating system. The staunch odor of alcohol followed their arrival, mixing alluringly with the cinnamon air fresheners Leia had planted around his apartment. He’d allowed them to take away the walls he’d built up, dragging him to the nearest dive. The bartenders had looked at him with pity in their eyes, having heard about his sobriety from his friends’ drunken ramblings, only pouring when Hux or Phasma ordered for him, as though indirect service would've soothe their consciences.

He was let out of the rehab center a week after he checked himself in, and immediately cleared their memory from his contacts.

He took the subway to Finn and Poe’s, a small patisserie box with her favorite chocolate croissant held carefully in his hands. Rey answered his knock, and she attempted to persuade him into dinner with them, a gracious smile blooming across her features when he awkwardly declined. As if remembering his mission, he pushed the box into her hands, wishing her a happy birthday. She pressed a sweet kiss to his cheek, mumbling a quiet ‘thank you’ into the skin there, and he left with his gaze locked just beyond his shoes as he walked, trying to banish the heat rising in his cheeks.   

 Monday, day 91.

He took the subway to AA and introduced himself to the newcomers as Ben. He saw Phasma amongst the rows, wrapped primly in her silver-gray trench-coat, as though she were wishing for the ground to swallow her whole. An old sponsor, Jar Jar, tilted his head kindly, urging her to state her case.

She cleared her throat, and announced that she was 20 days sober, taking every precaution to avoid Ben’s proud gaze, blushing all the while. When the meeting ended, she attempted to rush out the door, but Ben called to her. He told her he was proud of her. It seemed he started a craze, she told him. Mitaka, although more covert in his alcohol dependence, had also quit Snoke’s firm and was attending a rehab upstate. Hux remained, but she hoped he might change his mind one day.

Ben made her promise to get lunch one day, and let her leave, understanding that Jar Jar would’ve quite literally (okay, figuratively) talked her ear off.

Friday, day 124

He’d always been a little hesitant to attend family dinners, and even then, with the promise of Rey, Ben was doubtful he could get through an entire evening with his mother. Nevertheless, he arrived at 6 p.m., dressed handsomely in black jeans and a dark gray button down, a small container of his mother’s favorite herbal tea in his large hands. He lingered outside the door, and was about to knock before Rey opened, a teasing grin dancing across her features.

“You thinking about running off?” she asked, leaning against the door jam.

“Yes,” he nodded matter-of-factly before grinning at her.

“Well, don’t let me stop you.” Crossing her arms, she took a moment to rake her eyes over his fit figure (she hadn’t seen the way his eyes darkened, but upon seeing her thorough gaze, he’d made up his mind to stay).

Even with Finn and Poe’s sickeningly-heart-eyed ramblings, dinner was a subdued affair. Leia had cut the evening short when Poe had suggested watching some home videos, unwilling to deal with Han’s inevitable cameos, saying that she had an early meeting and that she’d enjoyed having all of them over. Ben had hugged her goodbye, and she waved him off with a smile and happy tears in her eyes.

Leia closed the door after him, and only then did he notice Rey lingering on that creaking porch swing. He took the place next to her, and gave her his full attention. She took his hand in hers and tugged him down the porch steps, chatting animatedly over her new apartment and Finn and Poe’s shop while Ben listened intently, enraptured by the slight tilt of her lips whenever she looked up and saw his coffee-colored gaze locked on her.   

Friday, day 207.

They’d been dating for almost three months when Rey told him she loved him. His arm tightened around her bare waist, but after a prolonged silence Rey asked him if he loved her. She’d managed to cover up her shaking voice, but vulnerability still seeped into her tone. Ben nuzzled a kiss to the crown of her head, whispering that he never stopped before laying a kiss on the nape of her neck, each of her shoulders, crawling lower and lower to press fluttering kisses into her angelic skin until she slipped her fingers into his hair, uttering shaky “ _please_ ” into the still air surrounding them. He’d taken her to church, and she’d become a firm believer in God (guessing from the number of times the name had fallen from her lips).

Wednesday, day 255.

Rey hung around his tiny flat so much that she stuttered when he asked her when she’d been to her apartment, shyly admonishing him for not saying anything, saying if he’d wanted space, he could’ve just asked; she didn’t want to suffocate him. He pulled her into his lap and pressed fluttering kisses all over her face, telling her he wouldn’t want space from her even if she _were_ suffocating him, not relenting in his ministrations until she let out a squeal of laughter when he kissed that sensitive spot on her neck (just behind her ear). Even then, he hovered above her on his dingy couch, ready to continue his delicate torture at any moment. He rubbed his nose against hers and asked her to look for an apartment with him. A wide smile spread across her face, and she uttered a solemn “ _yes._ ” His cheeked dimpled, much to Rey’s delight, and he gazed into her eyes, absent-mindedly asking her to marry him. Her let out a bright chuckle and locked her arms around his broad shoulders, pulling him down so she could whisper “ _yes_ ” against his skin before he traced his tongue against her lips. In a kiss that lasted too long, she once again discovered the intoxication of being surrounded by _him_. When they broke apart, their gasping breaths both fanning across the other’s face, Ben grinned at her flushed face.

“Grow old with me,” he told her, and her radiant giggle made him continue, “Buy a home with me.” He nuzzled his nose in her neck, brushing away her hair as he continued down further. “Have kids with me,” his voice dropped an octave.

“Maybe not necessarily in that order,” he conceded, smiling as he nipped against her abdomen, a deep chuckle sounding from his chest as she giggled, trying to squirm away from his ministrations. “Be with me,” _forever_ , he wanted to ask, but he let it hang between them, unspoken.  He ventured back up, grasping her wrists in one hand and pinning them above her head. Her eyes were so droopy and crinkled with delight he couldn’t even tell if they were open anymore.

She asked that he take her to bed, and in the early hours of the morning, wrapped in his strong arms, whispered, “I want everything with you,” before allowing sleep to take her.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!! I want to thank eveningeyes for being such a wonderful beta and person. I couldn't have done this without you, darling!! Go check out her tumblr @eyesofemeraldgreen and mine @wilde-world!!


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